# Just sharted in pants



## jasburrito

Its warm now. Should not have ate that smoked pork. Bum in. Good luck


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## ekbelt3

Just wipe with your underwear, throw it away and go commando the rest of the day. Have done it fishing and hunting with success. Beats smelling like a dirty diaper all day


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## d_rek

Proper savages here


-Sent from d_mobile


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## Pier Pressure

Leave it alone. Makes great cover scent.


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## cakebaker

I did this once before heading out to bowhunt. Tossed my underwear in the fireplace and headed out the door. Good luck.


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## U of M Fan

Always carry a quitter!!! That's a sock that has lost its elastic.


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## hypox

Are you out hunting? Need more details.....


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## protectionisamust

Wouldn't be the first time I came back to camp with 1 sock on, lol


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## Luv2hunteup

It's a more believable story with pictures.


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## toppm

The bottom 3-4 inches of your shirt resembles high quality toilet paper. Better take care of it quick or you'll have a big ring of Fire.


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## bheary

This is hilarious


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## jackbob42

That's why I buy jersey gloves by the bundle ! LOL


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## JasonSlayer

While hunting in the UP I left camp one morning and started getting bubble guts. I dropped my pants did my business but forgot the $*** paper. I ended up using my buck knife to cut up my tee shirt. The tee shirt was as good as Charmin considering the fact my only other choices were dry leaves.


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## bheary

I cut many of tee shirts only because I hit me so hard I didn't have time to get a boot off. Plus that increases the likely hood off stepping in a mess with a barefoot


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## FREEPOP

toppm said:


> The bottom 3-4 inches of your shirt resembles high quality toilet paper. Better take care of it quick or you'll have a big ring of Fire.


:lol:


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## hypox

If you have a cork, super glue, and a shoe, you should be fine....


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## sureshot006

I bet the sleeveless tee was invented by a guy hunting the day after beer and white castle.


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## bbdd

sureshot006 said:


> I bet the sleeveless tee was invented by a guy hunting the day after beer and white castle.


hope ya dont use sock an get atheletes crack


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## bheary

sureshot006 said:


> I bet the sleeveless tee was invented by a guy hunting the day after beer and white castle.


That's horrible lol


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## kangsnbucks14

bbdd said:


> hope ya dont use sock an get atheletes crack


 Thats a good one lol


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## kangsnbucks14

rz6x59 said:


> I have had 2 ESD's this season. (Emergency sky dump) they came on so fast I didn't have time to climb down and almost didn't get the trowsers down. The one time I had to wipe up with 4 hand warmer packets. My bowels hate me. And I did take a pic of the one blow out in the pine tree but I will spare you the gory details.


 Well there goes my hunt couldn't control my laugh started the snorting sounds to try to stop from laughing theres always tomorrow right. Thanks for the laugh though i needed that jusy not at this particular moment


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## Gamekeeper

I carry zip-lock bags with napkins in them for "Code Brown's" and some scent free wipes in sealed packets.
I never take them out of my jackets or back packs.

I had an event about 4 miles out on Saginaw Bay Ice Fishing, I had to hang it out over the back of my snowmobile, while everyone from Caseville to Au Gres ogled me wedding tackle.

All I can say is, "Bad Clams". 

I've never had to do the waffle stomp up in a treestand. That's a new low.


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## bheary

ESD!!!! Holy **** that's funny


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## Lumberman

Can we sticky this tread... Lmao


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## FREEPOP

Lumberman said:


> Can we sticky this tread... Lmao


Probably pretty sticky by now


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## bheary

I got all dressed to go duck hunting at the end of cotter rd one time and was waiting for my boss to show up. Then it hit me, felt like I was mule kicked right in the belly button. I started to panic getting my waders off all while looking for a place to go within a very short distance of where I was at. So I grabbed my front tow hooks and started taking care of business. Of course right then he's coming down the road and shame started setting in because I couldn't help but finish. What made it worse was he stayed in his truck flashing his brights on my white behind and was jamming some club music while laughing his ass off. So embarrassing


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## Jimw

bheary said:


> I got all dressed to go duck hunting at the end of cotter rd one time and was waiting for my boss to show up. Then it hit me, felt like I was mule kicked right in the belly button. I started to panic getting my waders off all while looking for a place to go within a very short distance of where I was at. So I grabbed my front tow hooks and started taking care of business. Of course right then he's coming down the road and shame started setting in because I couldn't help but finish. What made it worse was he stayed in his truck flashing his brights on my white behind and was jamming some club music while laughing his ass off. So embarrassing


No shame in that game, own it!


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## Jimw

I was taking an aqua dump off the side of my boat a few season back at o'dark 30. And then someone lit me up with a spot light..
.


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## GRUNDY

3 sheets of paper towel in my back pocket and 3 sheets in the fanny pack. Never leave home without it.

My bowels hate me. Dad says its got something to do with walking on oak leaves that makes the bowels come undone.

Still waiting on a sky dump attack in the climber stand LOL!


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## ReeseHunter

bheary said:


> I got all dressed to go duck hunting at the end of cotter rd one time and was waiting for my boss to show up. Then it hit me, felt like I was mule kicked right in the belly button. I started to panic getting my waders off all while looking for a place to go within a very short distance of where I was at. So I grabbed my front tow hooks and started taking care of business. Of course right then he's coming down the road and shame started setting in because I couldn't help but finish. What made it worse was he stayed in his truck flashing his brights on my white behind and was jamming some club music while laughing his ass off. So embarrassing


We have a winner! You guys crack me up


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## wildcoy73

Lmao. When will guys learn to allways carry a roll of tp in a ziplock with them.
Keep one in the backpack and have a few stashed threw out the woods near my blinds.


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## SWMbruiser

wildcoy73 said:


> Lmao. When will guys learn to allways carry a roll of tp in a ziplock with them.
> Keep one in the backpack and have a few stashed threw out the woods near my blinds.


Ahh the secret stash. Lol


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## bheary

GRUNDY said:


> 3 sheets of paper towel in my back pocket and 3 sheets in the fanny pack. Never leave home without it.
> 
> My bowels hate me. Dad says its got something to do with walking on oak leaves that makes the bowels come undone.
> 
> Still waiting on a sky dump attack in the climber stand LOL!


After reading about the sky dump I immediately started thinking about how I would pull that off for when the situation comes.


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## kroppe

My stomach hurts from laughing so hard... I needed that!


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## Firefighter

Out ice fishing on St. Clair during a snowstorm. Buddy is doing the dance and I'm like "just go, I'll walk off (it was a whiteout snowstorm). So he waits until I'm just a fuzz in the snow and blows it out. Comes walking up and we're like "Dude, you smell like you stepped in it!". A quick investigation revealed he had shat in the hood of his snowsuit and unknowingly carried his prize with him. 

Needless to say, his snowsuit become hoodless permanently thereafter. 

Damn outdoor poopin rookies.


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## Rasputin

My buddy couldn't find his ground blind one morning, during the search, got the urge, took care of business. Picked a spot until daylight to go find his blind, you guessed it, he had already found it.

In regards to using leaves to clean up, be on notice that poison ivy leaves do mix in with the others. Oh that was a miserable week!


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## RMH

Moss does not have enough structure for the job.........


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## GRUNDY

RMH said:


> Moss does not have enough structure for the job.........


Sounds like your speaking from experience? LOL!


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## 357Maximum

Firefighter said:


> Out ice fishing on St. Clair during a snowstorm. Buddy is doing the dance and I'm like "just go, I'll walk off (it was a whiteout snowstorm). So he waits until I'm just a fuzz in the snow and blows it out. Comes walking up and we're like "Dude, you smell like you stepped in it!". A quick investigation revealed he had shat in the hood of his snowsuit and unknowingly carried his prize with him.
> 
> Needless to say, his snowsuit become hoodless permanently thereafter.
> 
> Damn outdoor poopin rookies.




Oh that hurt my belly, THANKS...and WOW...just WOW.


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## swampbuck

Damn, you guys are getting gross. Take dump before you leave. And if you can't, take your ****** sock/underwear/ tampon....or whatever with you....geez!


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## FISHMANMARK

Thanks for the laughs... this reminded me of my BIL. He always carried a knife, because you never know when you might have to cut your underwear off.:lol:


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## thetreestandguy

One of my brothers is an officer in the Army, has done 3 tours in Africa assigned to embassies, the last in Kenya. He and his wife jog a lot. According to his wife he often has to shat while jogging, I guess bouncing his guts around isn't helpful. So he tells me, nonchalantly, that he just tears off a sleeve when the moment arrives and goes into a ditch along the roadway. He says 'the locals all crap in the ditch, why can't I?' His wife says he keeps the shirts just for jogging, never know when you'll need the other sleeve!!


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## AntiHuntersLoveMe

Howdy ho!


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## GRUNDY

thetreestandguy said:


> One of my brothers is an officer in the Army, has done 3 tours in Africa assigned to embassies, the last in Kenya. He and his wife jog a lot. According to his wife he often has to shat while jogging, I guess bouncing his guts around isn't helpful. So he tells me, nonchalantly, that he just tears off a sleeve when the moment arrives and goes into a ditch along the roadway. He says 'the locals all crap in the ditch, why can't I?' His wife says he keeps the shirts just for jogging, never know when you'll need the other sleeve!!


LOL! running has put me in some of the worst situations... I've yet to lose the sleeves, just pride.

B


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## William H Bonney

jackbob42 said:


> That's why I buy jersey gloves by the bundle ! LOL


Do you wad up the gloves like toilet paper, or do you put them on your hands and then wipe?


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## sureshot006

William H Bonney said:


> Do you wad up the gloves like toilet paper, or do you put them on your hands and then wipe?


Put them on the hand so you get 5 wipes per glove


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## Gamekeeper

We used to call latex gloves, "Five shot condoms", Ha!


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## NorthWoodsHunter

bkglad said:


> Anybody remember the story of the guy who got to hunt in a special hunt, pooped his pants, climber fell and had to be taken out by the DNr.
> 
> He,was sick and had the flu but went anyways.
> 
> I found it
> 
> url=http://www.michigan-sportsman.com/f...an-sportsman.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1766537


That is by far still the funniest post I've ever seen on this site. Had to read it again for another laugh.


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## U of M Fan

NorthWoodsHunter said:


> That is by far still the funniest post I've ever seen on this site. Had to read it again for another laugh.


Yep that is an old classic.

Wonder what happened to kelly?


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## HAMMERTIME231

rz6x59 said:


> I have had 2 ESD's this season. (Emergency sky dump) they came on so fast I didn't have time to climb down and almost didn't get the trowsers down. The one time I had to wipe up with 4 hand warmer packets. My bowels hate me. And I did take a pic of the one blow out in the pine tree but I will spare you the gory details.


I myself have experienced the dreaded ESD. Was hunting public land in a pine tree, my coffee mixed with last nights quesadillas and the $*** train came rumbling down the tracks. Next thing I know I'm squatting over the rail lettin a steamy load fall 15 ft.. After diggin threw my backpack I found a wool facemask to clean up the brown eye. Hopefully nobody found the facemask and decided to try it on


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## DoeMaster

I thought I had an exceptional case of IBS. I had an similar instance where I had to shat over the rail on my climber. Lmao at least I'm not alone.


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## kangsnbucks14

What happened to the OP he hasn't responded since he shot his button buck He did a **** and run


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## d_rek

HAMMERTIME231 said:


> I myself have experienced the dreaded ESD. Was hunting public land in a pine tree, my coffee mixed with last nights quesadillas and the $*** train came rumbling down the tracks. Next thing I know I'm squatting over the rail lettin a steamy load fall 15 ft.. After diggin threw my backpack I found a wool facemask to clean up the brown eye. Hopefully nobody found the facemask and decided to try it on


Goddamn i'm laughing over here and the wife is asking me what I am reading... lol!

Related: I always wondered where those discarded garments you come across in the woods came from. I always am thinking, "Damn someone left behind a perfectly good wool facemask." But something about it's "aspect" keeps me from collecting it and claiming it as my own...


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## motdean

William H Bonney said:


> Do you wad up the gloves like toilet paper, or do you put them on your hands and then wipe?


Be careful WHB.....If you start asking questions, someone is bound to post a video...


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## hawgeye

kangsnbucks14 said:


> What happened to the OP he hasn't responded since he shot his button buck He did a **** and run


****-n-git


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## Plumbgranny

So my brother tells me he's had to cut the tail off of his shirt a few times to wipe in the woods and I tell him "Dude, why not just use a dollar instead of ruining a $20-$30 hunting shirt". A week later we meet back at the truck after a long morning hunt and he's flat out pissed. Says "yeah, I tried that dollar thing you suggested and it didn't work at all "....come to find out he used 3 quarters, two dimes and a nickel!!!!!


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## Plumbgranny

Sorry, old joke. Just couldn't resist.


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## Paratrooper84

In the army, we always came back from field with all of our t-shorts about 3 inches shorter. You never sacrifice a sock when you have a t-shirt! This is an awesome thread!


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## mbrewer

Paratrooper84 said:


> This is an awesome thread!


Yeah it is, the politics of poop is funny stuff.

WAFFLE STOMP! LMAO


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## 357Maximum

http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l80/357maximum/****rus_zps9oyadffd.jpg


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## motdean

hitechman said:


> 10 years ago 3 friends and I spent 3 days in the UP camping/grouse hunting. The first night we had tacos and refried beans for dinner, and I polished off at least 1/2 gallon of cider.
> ...
> He never made me get my license out of my wallet, but did take my name and address. The CO and my 2 friends couldn't stop laughing, and I just stood there with a rosey red look of embarrassment on my face.
> 
> I cleaned stuff up, and salvaged the wallet contents when I arrived home a few says later........To this day, I faithfully carry my wallet in a front pocket.
> 
> 
> Steve



That is the funniest damn post!

I literally laughed for 5 minutes after reading that one.


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## FREEPOP

This thread will probably rival the perch milking one in a year or two.


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## Spartan88

This is some funny shart...


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## bigmac

10 pages dedicated to grown men soiling themselves....
I can't believe I read them all and I'm ashamed I did


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## FISHMANMARK

bigmac said:


> 10 pages dedicated to grown men soiling themselves....
> I can't believe I read them all and I'm ashamed I did



A couple years ago my boy had his first experience pooping in the woods, he must have been 6. We were rabbit hunting and the snow was really deep. He told me he had to go, I said there is no way we will get to the truck in time, we'll just let everyone get ahead of us.

I showed him how to lean against a tree, he had to use oak leaves to wipe. He was really embarrassed. He said "dad, don't tell the guys" I said, "trust me, everyone here has had to do the same thing"

Of course, everyone welcomed him into the club.:lol:

Hunt with your kids... you can teach them life lessons.:lol:


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## bigmac

Hopefully I have taught her not to s$&@ her pants....LOL


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## pigeon

kangsnbucks14 said:


> This reminds me of the lfts,post about the guy who ****ted from his stand lol You never know what your going to read on this sight smh


 I was the Treestand ****ter lol


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## Spartan88

pigeon said:


> I was the Treestand ****ter lol


Was that your first 'bombing run' ?


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## hitechman

hitechman said:


> 10 years ago 3 friends and I spent 3 days in the UP camping/grouse hunting. The first night we had tacos and refried beans for dinner, and I polished off at least 1/2 gallon of cider.
> 
> We hunted all day, and about 4pm it hit me.....gas and a gut ache I'll never forget. Found a satisfactory tree to back up to and just got my drawers down it time. Squirts worse than the eruption of Mount St Helen, but I felt great afterwards.
> 
> Dad always taught me, from a young age, to carry toilet paper with me whenever I was in the woods, and today was no different. Finished, and reached into the back on my hunting coat and grabbed the gallon ziplock bag that contained about 15 sheets of paper towel (always found that more useful than toilet paper for a multitude of things). Cleaned up, and joined my hunting buddies. After I told them the story, we laughed a little and headed back to the truck.
> 
> Well, waiting for us at the truck was a CO. He checked our birds (4-5 grouse, and a few woodcock), made sure our guns were plugged since we were hunting woodcock, and asked for our licenses. Buddies produced theirs right away, but I couldn't find my wallet. I explained to the CO that nature called a few minutes ago and it must have fallen out of my pants. He told me to go get it while he waited (about a 200 yard walk from the truck.
> 
> When I arrived at ground zero--no wallet to be seen, and I was getting a little panicked. I searched, and then I saw the lump concealed by the brown ooze. Poked it out with a stick, wiped it off as best I could with some paper towel, and wrapped it in the rest of the paper towel, sealed it in the ziplock bag, and headed back to the truck.
> 
> When I arrived, the CO asked me, "did you find it", and I said "yes". He said "let me see your hunting license please", so I handed him the ziplock, and said, "it's in there". He told me to remove it, so I opened the bag and unwrapped the paper towel with a stick. My buddies and the CO realized what had happened as soon as my wallet made an appearance.
> 
> He never made me get my license out of my wallet, but did take my name and address. The CO and my 2 friends couldn't stop laughing, and I just stood there with a rosey red look of embarrassment on my face.
> 
> I cleaned stuff up, and salvaged the wallet contents when I arrived home a few says later........To this day, I faithfully carry my wallet in a front pocket.
> 
> On the bright side............all my shirts still have 2 sleeves, I have all of my socks and gloves, and I've never had to leave a pair of underwear out in the woods.
> 
> Steve


I had some hesitation/reservations about sharing this story as it still embarrasses me to this day.........every time I run into one of those friends they inevitably bring that incident up.

A HS teacher coworker friend of mine shared this story with me. Before I begin, let me say that he is a die-hard bow hunter and has been since the 1970's. This guy decks himself out in the latest and greatest camo, and is a fanatic on scent control. He's one of the best shots with a bow that I have ever met.

In 1999, he was in his stand overlooking an alfalfa field that was bordered on 3 sides with woods------the side opposite him was a part of the Gratiot-Saginaw SGA. Late one mild October afternoon, nature made a strong calling, so he got down from his stand and sneaked the 100 yards or so to the state land (walking just inside the wooded area). He found a nice big tree and relieved himself and had to wipe with his underwear.

He quietly worked his way back to his tree stand and climbed back in. Within minutes he noticed movement in the tree, under which he had relieved himself.

It was another bow hunter (which he never knew was there) climbing down and leaving the vicinity..........that guy must have really gotten a show. Larry says he never found out who that guy was, and hopes that guy doesn't know who he is either.

Steve


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## rz6x59

Thanks for sharing Steve. No shame in this crowd. Just the company of fellow hunters.


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## FREEPOP

hitechman said:


> I had some hesitation/reservations about sharing this story as it still embarrasses me to this day.........every time I run into one of those friends they inevitably bring that incident up.
> 
> A HS teacher coworker friend of mine shared this story with me. Before I begin, let me say that he is a die-hard bow hunter and has been since the 1970's. This guy decks himself out in the latest and greatest camo, and is a fanatic on scent control. He's one of the best shots with a bow that I have ever met.
> 
> In 1999, he was in his stand overlooking an alfalfa field that was bordered on 3 sides with woods------the side opposite him was a part of the Gratiot-Saginaw SGA. Late one mild October afternoon, nature made a strong calling, so he got down from his stand and sneaked the 100 yards or so to the state land (walking just inside the wooded area). He found a nice big tree and relieved himself and had to wipe with his underwear.
> 
> He quietly worked his way back to his tree stand and climbed back in. Within minutes he noticed movement in the tree, under which he had relieved himself.
> 
> It was another bow hunter (which he never knew was there) climbing down and leaving the vicinity..........that guy must have really gotten a show. Larry says he never found out who that guy was, and hopes that guy doesn't know who he is either.
> 
> Steve


Would've been really funny if the other hunter came over and returned the favor.


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## Get Out

This is why God put sleeves on t-shirts... I've stumbled back into camp on a few occasions down a sleeve. Using organic, free ranging toilet paper is dicey at best!!


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## mbrewer

Spartan88 said:


> Was that your first 'bombing run' ?


I'm waiting for someone to chime in with a seat of the pants or tree saddle review. Kinda, sorta already have a built in bomb sight.


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## kangsnbucks14

pigeon said:


> I was the Treestand ****ter lol


Well welcome to the convo, That sky dump you pulled still makes me laugh everytime I think about it. You will forever be a legend in my eyes lol aim small miss small


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## Petronius

hitechman said:


> I had some hesitation/reservations about sharing this story as it still embarrasses me to this day.........every time I run into one of those friends they inevitably bring that incident up.
> 
> A HS teacher coworker friend of mine shared this story with me. Before I begin, let me say that he is a die-hard bow hunter and has been since the 1970's. This guy decks himself out in the latest and greatest camo, and is a fanatic on scent control. He's one of the best shots with a bow that I have ever met.
> 
> In 1999, he was in his stand overlooking an alfalfa field that was bordered on 3 sides with woods------the side opposite him was a part of the Gratiot-Saginaw SGA. Late one mild October afternoon, nature made a strong calling, so he got down from his stand and sneaked the 100 yards or so to the state land (walking just inside the wooded area). He found a nice big tree and relieved himself and had to wipe with his underwear.
> 
> He quietly worked his way back to his tree stand and climbed back in. Within minutes he noticed movement in the tree, under which he had relieved himself.
> 
> It was another bow hunter (which he never knew was there) climbing down and leaving the vicinity..........that guy must have really gotten a show. Larry says he never found out who that guy was, and hopes that guy doesn't know who he is either.
> 
> Steve


I am surprised the other hunter in the tree never yelled out to the guy taking a dump. Or could it be that he never saw the pooper dumper? The smell must have rose upward causing a sudden exit.


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## hitechman

petronius said:


> I am surprised the other hunter in the tree never yelled out to the guy taking a dump. Or could it be that he never saw the pooper dumper? The smell must have rose upward causing a sudden exit.


Any somewhat attentive bow hunter in a tree stand must have seen him coming (unless he was taking a nap). Probably funny as all get out watching him embarrass himself. Personally, I have waited until he was done and said, "There ya go. Do you feel better now?" That's one of those Master Card moments!

Steve


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## cedarlkDJ

So far, Steve wins the Golden Pooper Award.










With a complimentary roll.


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## mbrewer

hitechman said:


> Any somewhat attentive bow hunter in a tree stand must have seen him coming (unless he was taking a nap). Probably funny as all get out watching him embarrass himself. Personally, I have waited until he was done and said, "There ya go. Do you feel better now?" That's one of those Master Card moments!
> 
> Steve


What's in your wallet?


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## theduckfisher

So I had to work today and the bathrooms were closed for a drug testing program. I waited and waited and finally couldn't hold it any longer and thought about this. I ran to the supply closet and headed to a small clump of woods behind the building. I unleashed hell all over the place. Later the guys doing the testing were outside walking the woods trying to set up some training for next month. I couldn't help but laugh. I wonder what they thought with all the TP and piles. Lol


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## DirtySteve

theduckfisher said:


> So I had to work today and the bathrooms were closed for a drug testing program. I waited and waited and finally couldn't hold it any longer and thought about this. I ran to the supply closet and headed to a small clump of woods behind the building. I unleashed hell all over the place. Later the guys doing the testing were outside walking the woods trying to set up some training for next month. I couldn't help but laugh. I wonder what they thought with all the TP and piles. Lol


When I hired into my current job there was a mandatory drug test at some random point in the first 30 days. When you got the call it was a requirement to head straight to the nurses office to take the test. My coworker got his call and on the way down to the nurses office it hit him. There was no time to stop and take care if business along the way. The test was a urine test and there was a bathroom connected to the nurses station where the test was administered. You walk in and the container was on the counter. Once he completed his sample he sat down to take care of business. Once he was finished he realized there was no option to flush! He was forced to leave everything for the poor nurse to inspect....I guess they wanted to make sure you weren't somehow cheating the test and flushing evidence. 

This story has been told many times over the past 18 yrs.


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## wannabapro

huntr4life said:


> That review is amazing....I was in tears reading it!


I was hanging in there until I got to the one about whether or not it would kill a chicken and then I lost it! Oh well, that was 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back.


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## cedarlkDJ

hitechman said:


> *If you can read the following review without cracking up, you are a better man than I.*
> 
> Here is a link to the actual reviews.
> 
> ​Steve


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:........some of those are too hilarious!

One guy came up with a pretty good suggestion.....

Ideal Gift For Your Congressional Representatives
ByDeleriouslyHappyTaxPayeron October 3, 2013

The reviews are so helpful. It is so difficult to be sure you are buying something over the internet that is exactley what you are searching for.
I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude.


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## FREEPOP




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## bheary

FREEPOP said:


>


Lol, screen the MS logo on that shirt and it's a winner


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## cedarlkDJ

bheary said:


> Lol, screen the MS logo on that shirt and it's a winner


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## hitechman

cedarlkDJ said:


> View attachment 200007


Love it...............................I'll take 2. Somebody tell Steve that we have a winner!

Steve


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## DanSS26

U of M Fan said:


> DUDE WIPES
> Pick up some of these. Not sure if they come in earth scent. Lol


They made a commercial for Dude Wipes. 
http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/two-men-dressed-turds-emerge-butt-tell-you-about-dude-wipes-166443


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## bheary

cedarlkDJ said:


> View attachment 200007


I'll take 4 with velcro sleeves. Make a high thread count too! I bet it will feel great.


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## bheary

Need a shirt that says "shart happens"


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## TK81

For many years, I thought I led the league in the emergency shart stat. I feel much better about myself after reading this thread. It's almost therapeutic....once I wipe the tears out of my eyes from LMFAO. 

My personal favorite was below Suicide Bend one 28 degree March morning. Spent the previous night trying to drink all the Stockade's Budweiser and Yukon Jack with one of their famous wet burritos for good measure. Just started running drifts and the guts start churning. Quite a few guys on the river that morning, so I knew I had to act quickly. Scrambled out of the water and up the bank just out of sight. I was like the guy with the helicopter trying to douse the Santa Anna's. Anyway, I finished up and pulled the waders back up. Eager to tangle with a steelie, I started fishing, but sensed something not quite correct. After diligent investigation, discovered I had some overspray that had coated my right side suspender. I'm sure a lot of guys were wondering why I was washing my waders in the river on that crisp March morning.


----------



## bheary

Haha


----------



## Steve

TK81 said:


> For many years, I thought I led the league in the emergency shart stat. I feel much better about myself after reading this thread. It's almost therapeutic....once I wipe the tears out of my eyes from LMFAO.
> 
> My personal favorite was below Suicide Bend one 28 degree March morning. Spent the previous night trying to drink all the Stockade's Budweiser and Yukon Jack with one of their famous wet burritos for good measure. Just started running drifts and the guts start churning. Quite a few guys on the river that morning, so I knew I had to act quickly. Scrambled out of the water and up the bank just out of sight. I was like the guy with the helicopter trying to douse the Santa Anna's. Anyway, I finished up and pulled the waders back up. Eager to tangle with a steelie, I started fishing, but sensed something not quite correct. After diligent investigation, discovered I had some overspray that had coated my right side suspender. I'm sure a lot of guys were wondering why I was washing my waders in the river on that crisp March morning.


You always had to watch out after eating the old "lead sled" from the Stockade.


----------



## Petronius

bheary said:


> I'll take 4 with velcro sleeves. Make a high thread count too! I bet it will feel great.


That would be perfect, a convertible T shirt. Long sleeve for those crisp, cool mornings and when the morning temps rise, or you poop your pants, you can pull the sleeves off. Replaceable sleeves could be ordered as needed.


----------



## Far Beyond Driven

Buddy had his Christmas party. I get down to the river start setting up the boat, he calls and says he's going to be a little late. So I launch and start plugging the hole by the launch.

He calls and says it's going to be a bit longer.

He finally shows up. Looking like hell and carrying a four pack of TP and a bucket half full of dried joint compound.

Story comes out work party the night before too much Bud. TP is from a gas station where he "probably stained the tiles in the bathroom with that cloud" and the bucket was from a construction site. The details on that procurement were hazy.

We're trolling up a stretch and he makes some comment and I look over and he's perched on the bucket. I believe all 6 of my senses took offense to what commenced. But we don't quit so I keep working the run, only to see the down rod next to my buddy arch over and start hammering from a nice steel.

He doesn't even leave the bucket just reaches over and grabs the rod. In an amazing display of hangover balance and dexterity he brings the fish to net. The net. Oh yes, the net, in the bow, which means I have to walk past the bucket of terror twice. So I just grab the leader pull the fish to the stern and get it with the Boga grip.

He didn't want a picture. And with a fish, we were able to call it good and quit.

He stayed perched on the bucket all the way to the launch. I took a long time to go get the Jeep. We usually spend a few minutes picking up the ever present trash at this launch each time we use it. I don't know what came of the bucket, but I never saw it again. And I really didn't want to. I still have nightmares of some day finding that bucket.


----------



## bheary

So many examples of a die hard fisherman in that story. Glad you you were never downwind from him


----------



## bheary

Son of a beeoch! I just ate Chinese food again before hunting. Wth is wrong with me? Not only is it Chinese food, but it's mall food court Chinese food. Fingers and legs crossed!


----------



## mbrewer

Far Beyond Driven said:


> Buddy had his Christmas party. I get down to the river start setting up the boat, he calls and says he's going to be a little late. So I launch and start plugging the hole by the launch.
> 
> He calls and says it's going to be a bit longer.
> 
> He finally shows up. Looking like hell and carrying a four pack of TP and a bucket half full of dried joint compound.
> 
> Story comes out work party the night before too much Bud. TP is from a gas station where he "probably stained the tiles in the bathroom with that cloud" and the bucket was from a construction site. The details on that procurement were hazy.
> 
> We're trolling up a stretch and he makes some comment and I look over and he's perched on the bucket. I believe all 6 of my senses took offense to what commenced. But we don't quit so I keep working the run, only to see the down rod next to my buddy arch over and start hammering from a nice steel.
> 
> He doesn't even leave the bucket just reaches over and grabs the rod. In an amazing display of hangover balance and dexterity he brings the fish to net. The net. Oh yes, the net, in the bow, which means I have to walk past the bucket of terror twice. So I just grab the leader pull the fish to the stern and get it with the Boga grip.
> 
> He didn't want a picture. And with a fish, we were able to call it good and quit.
> 
> He stayed perched on the bucket all the way to the launch. I took a long time to go get the Jeep. We usually spend a few minutes picking up the ever present trash at this launch each time we use it. I don't know what came of the bucket, but I never saw it again. And I really didn't want to. I still have nightmares of some day finding that bucket.


A new twist on back trolling.


----------



## FISHMANMARK

Far Beyond Driven said:


> Buddy had his Christmas party. I get down to the river start setting up the boat, he calls and says he's going to be a little late. So I launch and start plugging the hole by the launch.
> 
> He calls and says it's going to be a bit longer.
> 
> He finally shows up. Looking like hell and carrying a four pack of TP and a bucket half full of dried joint compound.
> 
> Story comes out work party the night before too much Bud. TP is from a gas station where he "probably stained the tiles in the bathroom with that cloud" and the bucket was from a construction site. The details on that procurement were hazy.
> 
> We're trolling up a stretch and he makes some comment and I look over and he's perched on the bucket. I believe all 6 of my senses took offense to what commenced. But we don't quit so I keep working the run, only to see the down rod next to my buddy arch over and start hammering from a nice steel.
> 
> He doesn't even leave the bucket just reaches over and grabs the rod. In an amazing display of hangover balance and dexterity he brings the fish to net. The net. Oh yes, the net, in the bow, which means I have to walk past the bucket of terror twice. So I just grab the leader pull the fish to the stern and get it with the Boga grip.
> 
> He didn't want a picture. And with a fish, we were able to call it good and quit.
> 
> He stayed perched on the bucket all the way to the launch. I took a long time to go get the Jeep. We usually spend a few minutes picking up the ever present trash at this launch each time we use it. I don't know what came of the bucket, but I never saw it again. And I really didn't want to. I still have nightmares of some day finding that bucket.




Oh man, the bucket story reminded me of an ice fishing trip I thought was wiped from my memory.


----------



## k9wernet

I see a lot of socks and grundies left in the woods after deer season. I never understood that... throw a roll in your pack at the beginning of the season and you're good to go.

Well last year I forgot. Got out there on opening day after a night of beer and chili the night before. Flew down from my tree stand, did my thing, open my pack... oh no...

It was a cold sit after I used up all my hand warmers, but at least I still had my socks.


----------



## mike hartges

No pun intended but perhaps this should be a sticky.


----------



## Lumberman

rz6x59 said:


> I have had 2 ESD's this season. (Emergency sky dump) they came on so fast I didn't have time to climb down and almost didn't get the trowsers down. The one time I had to wipe up with 4 hand warmer packets. My bowels hate me. And I did take a pic of the one blow out in the pine tree but I will spare you the gory details.


I was live from the stand the day this thread hit. Followed along the whole time. 

This post almost cost me my life. I just about laughed myself right out of my darn tree stand.


----------



## bheary

C'mon no new stories?!? Wth...


----------



## motdean

bheary said:


> C'mon no new stories?!? Wth...


Dude, do ya really want to think about sky dumps?


----------



## bheary

It's a good laugh especially when you are brain defers back to being 13 yrs old a lot


----------



## Lamarsh

Richard Cranium said:


> One time I was dropped off at a job site to work a punch list. After a while, my guts started churning and with no plumbing hooked up yet and a torrential down pour outside, I started to panic. I then spied a bucket of drywall topping. I pried the lid off and hovered over the target and let things fly. Once I completed the "task", I took a stick and stirred the "mud' into the mud and sealed the lid back onto the bucket. I often think about the poor bastard that had to "finish" the drywall, not to mention the home owners running around trying to figure where that smell is coming from!


It's amazing where tradesmen will crap on construction sites. My family is in the construction business, and my dad had to make a rule a few years ago that toilets go in last because guys where crapping in toilets that weren't even hooked up to plumbing yet, instead of crapping in the porta jon. We've found crap piles in sinks too. I won't even get started with some of the things he's seen some roofers do--some of those guys won't even take the time to get off the roof and they'll just lay some rope down right up there. And realize that that while walking a roof with a client and have them ask, "whoa look at that dog crap, how'd a dog get up here on the roof!?!" and you just have to shake your head and say "oh man I'm not sure, that's pretty crazy though!".

But if you don't put a porta jon on a job site, you got a few things coming to ya. Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.


----------



## DirtySteve

Lamarsh said:


> But if you don't put a porta jon on a job site, you got a few things coming to ya. Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.



I learned that lesson the hard way. A buddy of mine talked me into building a house myself. I had very little experience in the carpentry trade. My two friends were builders and I hired them to work by the hour and we built the house together. I had a couple of occasions where we hired a crew like the day we put the trusses on and the crane was there.....for the most part throughout the entire construction it was just the 3 of us. My sister lived down the street and if stomach issues came up we went to her house. The thought of a Porta jon never crossed my mind.


I had a portion of brick In the front of the house and I hired a brick layer for that job. The guy I hired contracted it out to a smaller crew of migrant workers and none of them spoke english. They left a pretty nice mess in my sump pump. They had a girl that came to the job with them to translate just in case I showed up and wanted to speak with them. She sat there all day in the car reading books. After the fact I felt really bad about not having a facility for her sake. The guys could use the fencerow easily for most issues.


----------



## TK81




----------



## IAmLegend

Anyone here been in the truck stop/Shell station just west of "the bridge"? We stopped there to "throw some water". My brother went to use the toilet. Someone had the biggest shotgun blast I've ever seen in my life! It covered the wall, tank and toilet! The poor attendant was coming in to clean it as we were walking out. The guy should get hazard pay....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## IAmLegend

Another trip to the U.P. About 10 yrs. ago to put up 2 blinds. Me and my brother stop to have b'fast at a restaurant in Naubinway (it is now closed for good.) I had yellow mustard squirts all day. Had to carry a roll of paper towels and 3 Gatorades because of all of the fluid I lost. It was just me and my brother so I had to help him and then sheet every 15mins or so. I didn't feel bad, just couldn't stop sheeting until it passed....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## IAmLegend

Another trip to the U.P. About 10 yrs. ago to put up 2 blinds. Me and my brother stop to have b'fast at a restaurant in Naubinway (it is now closed for good.) I had yellow mustard squirts all day. Had to carry a roll of paper towels and 3 Gatorades because of all of the fluid I lost. It was just me and my brother so I had to help him and then sheet every 15mins or so. I didn't feel bad, just couldn't stop sheeting until it passed....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## William H Bonney

bheary said:


> C'mon no new stories?!? Wth...


Opening day, stomach jitters got the best of me around 8:30am. Had to jump down and take care of business. Nothing really funny, except I had no TP and this thread came to mind....

Now there's a nice, brand new pair of scent-lok gloves, buried in the dirt.


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## IAmLegend

William H Bonney said:


> Opening day, stomach jitters got the best of me around 8:30am. Had to jump down and take care of business. Nothing really funny, except I had no TP and this thread came to mind....
> 
> Now there's a nice, brand new pair of scent-lok gloves, buried in the dirt.


They're Scent Lok so go dig 'me up! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## AntiHuntersLoveMe

TTT... Hunting season is only a couple weeks away and it's going to happen to somebody 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## toppm

Here we go.....CLASSIC!


----------



## M.Schmitz87

'Tis the season!


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## jacksonmideerhunter

William H Bonney said:


> Opening day, stomach jitters got the best of me around 8:30am. Had to jump down and take care of business. Nothing really funny, except I had no TP and this thread came to mind....
> 
> Now there's a nice, brand new pair of scent-lok gloves, buried in the dirt.


Lol! One of the main reasons I favor the cheap brown jersey gloves for hunting.


----------



## motdean

I wonder why Steve never made this a sticky.....


----------



## NorthWoodsHunter

Signs that hunting season is just around the corner...
1. The nights start to cool off
2. The leaves start to change colors
3. Bachelor groups start to break up
4. The "Sharted" thread reappears from the archives.


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## Muskegonbow

Just reading this made me have to go take a dump.


----------



## Dan E.

Last year opening morning of gun season I was walking to my stand before daylight and realized I wasn't going to make it. Not being far from the truck yet where the TP was I decided there was enough time to run back. I scurried back to the truck in a panic. I threw open the back door, laid my gun on the back seat, and reached under the seat for the roll of TP. I quickly pulled the trousers down, leaned back, and hung on to the door handle and let it rip. After cleaning up I tossed the the roll of TP in the front seat, hit the lock button on the door, and shut it. I turn around to grab my gun leaning on the tree behind me and its gone. My heart sank. In the panic of things I forgot I had set my gun and keys on the backseat and i just locked myself out on opening morning.


----------



## GIDEON

6Speed said:


> ...is this old soldier the only one who keeps a roll of ass wipe in his hunting vest, boat and truck for Emergency Purposes???


Nope, priorities need to be set at the onset of any hunting or fishing trip. I always check my stash at the gas station, those blue towels work great. Already flat for easy storage. A little rough but strong. A sh***y smelling trigger finger makes shooting ...no fun


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## motdean

GIDEON said:


> Nope, priorities need to be set at the onset of any hunting or fishing trip. I always check my stash at the gas station, those blue towels work great. Already flat for easy storage. A little rough but strong. A sh***y smelling trigger finger makes shooting ...no fun


TMI, just say'n.....


----------



## snortwheeze

bheary said:


>


That is hilarious **** !!


----------



## STEINFISHSKI




----------



## Corey K

QDMAMAN said:


> I can tell that you're an employee.


I can tell your an A**, and it wasn't that hard...


----------



## RMH




----------



## QDMAMAN

Corey K said:


> I can tell your an A**, and it wasn't that hard...


Someone needs a hug.


----------



## Corey K

QDMAMAN said:


> Someone needs a hug.




Just being sarcastic like my post was!


----------



## Spartan88

Ok, who brought in the opener with a 'wet one'?


----------



## stickman1978

I always make sure I double down before I walk out the door.


----------



## unclecbass

Use your sleeves.


----------



## Buddwiser

I drove semis my entire working life and the chits usually hit you when you are miles from the nearest rest area. Had a fellow driver who just couldn't wait any longer (really bad chili according to him) while running the turnpike one night in Ohio. He pulled over, climbed up on the fuel tanks on the right side and went about taking care of business when a lady Ohio State Trooper came up along side the trailer and proceeded to scream her lungs out at him and his rear end sticking out over the tanks. Got a ticket for indecent exposure and littering for the napkins and hand wipes he used to clean up. Laughed my butt off when he told me about that.


----------



## 82shortbox

Was up hunting in Pidgeon River quite a few years back. My brother in law Bob is always afraid of getting lost, so I drop him off and continue on for a ways and hunt along the two track. Waited till it got really dark and headed back with my flash lite on. Get close to where I dropped him off and I hear him cracking up laughing. I wonder what he's laughing at being alone? He says right after I left he had to take a dump, so he takes a **** and then he can't find it. Come to find out when he dropped his coveralls he **** in his hood. Too funny


----------



## M.Schmitz87

82shortbox said:


> Was up hunting in Pidgeon River quite a few years back. My brother in law Bob is always afraid of getting lost, so I drop him off and continue on for a ways and hunt along the two track. Waited till it got really dark and headed back with my flash lite on. Get close to where I dropped him off and I hear him cracking up laughing. I wonder what he's laughing at being alone? He says right after I left he had to take a dump, so he takes a **** and then he can't find it. Come to find out when he dropped his coveralls he **** in his hood. Too funny


Had a guy doing that in my tank. Not funny when it smells like crap for hours in 100+ degrees...


----------



## RS1

This shart thread reminded me of this story. This gets read to the group in camp every now and then:
https://jalopnik.com/this-is-the-most-embarrassing-plane-pooping-story-ever-1456846301


----------



## Chris Briggs JR

Years back, hunting up in Leelenau county. Family tradition was to go to the Sugarfoot saloon, have burritos and shoot pool a couple nights after hunting. Playing pool with my dad and brother. Leaned forward for an easy shart, I mean shot. Kk and behold I painted myself a brown Rembrandt. Rapidly realized what had happened. Quietly snuck off to the porcelain office to handle some paperwork. Got into the only stall and found...nothing. Well hell....aight, britches it is. No garbage can....sling 'em off into an unfortunate corner. Went back to my burrito and pool game. Nobody was wise to my game. Few minutes later dad heads off to drop the deuce. He comes back just cackling laughing. "Some dirty sum bitch **** himself and left his britches on the floor!" Yeah dad, ha ha ha, hilarious! Kept my mouth sealed. Fast forward 20 years I remind pops of that event. I felt the time had come. "Yeah remember when....dad?" He confirms. I smile and said "I was free ballin', commando the rest of the night." Momentary pause- dad laughed himself until he was red faced and couldn't breathe. I'm the Sugarloaf Bandit!!!


----------



## rgillespi

rz6x59 said:


> I have had 2 ESD's this season. (Emergency sky dump) they came on so fast I didn't have time to climb down and almost didn't get the trowsers down. The one time I had to wipe up with 4 hand warmer packets. My bowels hate me. And I did take a pic of the one blow out in the pine tree but I will spare you the gory details.


I'm wonderin.. ... 
WHY did you take a pic of it??
Why would you take a picture of it? 
just what would one do with that picture? hang in in the bathroom, outhouse?? 
Who was the lucky person to use that stand next??? 

You REALLY need to STOP listening to that voice in your head!! :lol::lol::lol:


----------



## toppm

6Speed said:


> ...is this old soldier the only one who keeps a roll of ass wipe in his hunting vest, boat and truck for Emergency Purposes???


No. Don't forget about 4 paper towels folded up in my back pocket when I run my dogs.


----------



## wannabeup

ok you guys...cut it out will ya. I'm sitting in the handicap stall this morning, the other two are being used. Our shop calls this a full house. I pull out my phone because as we all know the age of printed media is dead. I stumble upon this thread and start with the giggles that turn into full belly laughs whilst I'm sitting on the sharter with a full house next to me. I get home tonight and spend 90 minutes crackin up while I read all 20 pages. Now the whole shop is wondering what I was doing in private and thinks I'm some kind of wierdo, my wife called me a middle schooler. Thanks guys, you lengthend my life through laughter.


----------



## junkman

I would always take the comics section in with me.And more than one time I would be giggling and laughing in the stall.


wannabeup said:


> ok you guys...cut it out will ya. I'm sitting in the handicap stall this morning, the other two are being used. Our shop calls this a full house. I pull out my phone because as we all know the age of printed media is dead. I stumble upon this thread and start with the giggles that turn into full belly laughs whilst I'm sitting on the sharter with a full house next to me. I get home tonight and spend 90 minutes crackin up while I read all 20 pages. Now the whole shop is wondering what I was doing in private and thinks I'm some kind of wierdo, my wife called me a middle schooler. Thanks guys, you lengthend my life through laughter.


----------



## unclecbass

Now that is funny


----------



## hitechman

Made this in August...........saved my shame 2 times so far on those lone country back roads. Picked up the steel tubing at a local scrap yard for $6, and a friend welded it for me at no cost. Heavy duty for a heavy duty guy. Fits in the 2" receiver on my truck. Ends have been capped with soft rubber, and metal has been covered with soft carpet.










Steve


----------



## growninmi

hitechman said:


> Made this in August...........saved my shame 2 times so far on those lone country back roads. Picked up the steel tubing at a local scrap yard for $6, and a friend welded it for me at no cost. Heavy duty for a heavy duty guy. Fits in the 2" receiver on my truck. Ends have been capped with soft rubber, and metal has been covered with soft carpet.
> 
> View attachment 290545
> 
> 
> Steve


You win!

That's awesome Steve. Sure beats dropping the deuce into the hood of your clothes .


----------



## nothbound

junior4x4 said:


> Wow. Just wow. Pass the gummy bears


Going to vegas next week and was really looking forward to buying some special legal gummies.... after this I'll prob be to nervous to consume


----------



## Rowdy Bandit

hitechman said:


> Made this in August...........saved my shame 2 times so far on those lone country back roads. Picked up the steel tubing at a local scrap yard for $6, and a friend welded it for me at no cost. Heavy duty for a heavy duty guy. Fits in the 2" receiver on my truck. Ends have been capped with soft rubber, and metal has been covered with soft carpet.
> 
> View attachment 290545
> 
> 
> Steve


Ha ha! That's practicle practical, and creative.

Be careful about patent infringement. See "The Bumper Dumper" (3.8 / 5 stars on Amazon), and the pictured "Off-road Commode" (4.3 / 5 stars). Not recommend for use while in transit, as 'seat-belt not included'.








With those examples, personally I'd leave out the 5-gallon bucket... not sure why anyone would want to save the schtuff.


----------



## hitechman

UnknwnBanditRowdyTucoRojo said:


> Ha ha! That's practicle practical, and creative.
> 
> Be careful about patent infringement. See "The Bumper Dumper" (3.8 / 5 stars on Amazon), and the pictured "Off-road Commode" (4.3 / 5 stars). Not recommend for use while in transit, as 'seat-belt not included'.
> View attachment 290648
> 
> 
> With those examples, personally I'd leave out the 5-gallon bucket... not sure why anyone would want to save the schtuff.


Not worried......needed something that was wider for my fat a$$, and not cost me an arm and a leg. Have less that $10 into it. Friend welded for free and reinforced all welds with plate, scrap carpet, scrap yard steel, and 2 rubber caps to cover ends. Did give it 3 coats of metal primer before gluing carpet on.

Steve


----------



## wannabapro

hitechman said:


> Made this in August...........saved my shame 2 times so far on those lone country back roads. Picked up the steel tubing at a local scrap yard for $6, and a friend welded it for me at no cost. Heavy duty for a heavy duty guy. Fits in the 2" receiver on my truck. Ends have been capped with soft rubber, and metal has been covered with soft carpet.
> 
> View attachment 290545
> 
> 
> Steve


This guy deserves a Boy Scout badge. That's my kind of thinking ahead!


----------



## motdean

hitechman said:


> Made this in August...........saved my shame 2 times so far on those lone country back roads. Picked up the steel tubing at a local scrap yard for $6, and a friend welded it for me at no cost. Heavy duty for a heavy duty guy. Fits in the 2" receiver on my truck. Ends have been capped with soft rubber, and metal has been covered with soft carpet.
> 
> View attachment 290545
> 
> 
> Steve


You just need to find a way to affix it to the tree stand......I am confident the OP would be first in line to buy one....


----------



## RMH

hitechman said:


> Made this in August...........saved my shame 2 times so far on those lone country back roads. Picked up the steel tubing at a local scrap yard for $6, and a friend welded it for me at no cost. Heavy duty for a heavy duty guy. Fits in the 2" receiver on my truck. Ends have been capped with soft rubber, and metal has been covered with soft carpet.
> 
> View attachment 290545
> 
> 
> Steve



They make accessories for those.


----------



## jr28schalm

nothbound said:


> Going to vegas next week and was really looking forward to buying some special legal gummies.... after this I'll prob be to nervous to consume


Don't be scared , I like the jolly ranchers


----------



## syonker

Rules to live by.


----------



## syonker

2 people pharted in an elevator & the both know who did it.


----------



## mike hartges

Or 2 people were in an elevator and one person farted and they both knew who did it.


----------



## QDMAMAN

motdean said:


> You just need to find a way to affix it to the tree stand......I am confident the OP would be first in line to buy one....



The guy that invented the Proc's Huntin Buddy also came out with a toilet accessory for Viper tree stands.
http://www.google.com/patents/USD687133


----------



## RMH

So when I heard about this so-called ‘poop knife’ I thought it had to be a phrase from ‘Cards Against Humanity.‘ Unfortunately, I was very much mistaken. The ‘poop knife’ was shared with us by a Reddit user LearnedButt, and I’m equally confused and disgusted. This can’t be a common thing, can it? His story begins with sharing on how his family has some sort of genetically enhanced super pooping thing. I don’t know, don’t look at me. Things only seem to get stranger as the entire story begins to unfold. I’m just hoping LearnedButt, and his family is the only family with a ‘poop knife.’

My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

Fast forward to 22. It’s been a day or two between poops and I’m over at my friend’s house. My friend was the local dealer and always had ‘guests’ over, because you can’t buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

“My what?”

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

“Wtf is a poop knife?”

Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my ###### up family with their ###### up bowels. FML.

I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

She will be getting her own utility knife now.

[Edit: Common question – Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn’t have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn’t. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

Now, for the most part, people seemed to be shocked by these gross antics. I’m sure almost everyone has a similar reaction when reading this, and that is WTF?! I could be wrong though; there seems to be a fair amount of people who shared that they too have some form of poop utensil. Is this a secret that I don’t know about? Like, do my friends have ‘poop knives’? Where do you keep it? So many questions that I don’t think I want the answers to. Either way, there was a shocking number of people who feel LearnedButt‘s antics aren’t too farfetched.


----------



## mbrewer

RMH said:


> So when I heard about this so-called ‘poop knife’ I thought it had to be a phrase from ‘Cards Against Humanity.‘ Unfortunately, I was very much mistaken. The ‘poop knife’ was shared with us by a Reddit user LearnedButt, and I’m equally confused and disgusted. This can’t be a common thing, can it? His story begins with sharing on how his family has some sort of genetically enhanced super pooping thing. I don’t know, don’t look at me. Things only seem to get stranger as the entire story begins to unfold. I’m just hoping LearnedButt, and his family is the only family with a ‘poop knife.’
> 
> My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
> 
> Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”?
> 
> I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
> 
> Fast forward to 22. It’s been a day or two between poops and I’m over at my friend’s house. My friend was the local dealer and always had ‘guests’ over, because you can’t buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
> 
> “My what?”
> 
> Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
> 
> “Wtf is a poop knife?”
> 
> Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
> 
> He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my ###### up family with their ###### up bowels. FML.
> 
> I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.
> 
> She will be getting her own utility knife now.
> 
> [Edit: Common question – Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn’t have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn’t. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
> 
> Now, for the most part, people seemed to be shocked by these gross antics. I’m sure almost everyone has a similar reaction when reading this, and that is WTF?! I could be wrong though; there seems to be a fair amount of people who shared that they too have some form of poop utensil. Is this a secret that I don’t know about? Like, do my friends have ‘poop knives’? Where do you keep it? So many questions that I don’t think I want the answers to. Either way, there was a shocking number of people who feel LearnedButt‘s antics aren’t too farfetched.


Now if I see a knife, potato masher or a sturdy whisk in the John I'll know what it's for. 

Happy to say I haven't to date, but I did see a gaff once which I pretended not to notice.


----------



## Rowdy Bandit

Was an almost a daily 'problem'. Doctor said it's indicative of a healthy diet and things working very well. Never thought of a 'poop knife', yuck, just flush the old luxury throne twenty, thirty, or a hundred times. Noticed the new 'water efficient' crappers have no such issue, and somehow dispatch the artist formerly known as 'problem child' with lightning speed.


----------



## beetlebomb

I never thought I'd see the day when I would post a comment on this thread but this was just too good......



__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=885755781591530


----------



## QDMAMAN




----------



## RMH




----------



## zzcop302

ONE OF THE FUNNIEST SHART SCENES EVER.... who remembers this one ?


----------



## RMH




----------



## jr28schalm

zzcop302 said:


> ONE OF THE FUNNIEST SHART SCENES EVER.... who remembers this one ?


My idols, thnx


----------



## RMH




----------



## RMH




----------



## RMH




----------



## RMH




----------



## sullyxlh




----------



## RMH




----------



## zzcop302




----------



## RMH




----------



## FREEPOP




----------



## zzcop302




----------



## zzcop302




----------



## jr28schalm

27 pages and not one personal attack..Guess we know what subject everyone is on same page with..lol


----------



## RMH

jr28schalm said:


> 27 pages and not one personal attack..Guess we know what subject everyone is on same page with..lol


I wonder if jasburrito the OP was deported??


----------



## spikekilla

Here’s a hunch play if any of you twisted individuals want to make a bet in race 11 at Mohawk Saturday night...


----------



## RMH




----------



## Spartan88

Anyone have one of them epic 'my water broke' sharts in this heat spell? This thread saved my dignity in the grocery store on the 4th...


----------



## mjh4

I'm going to Florida to fish for great white sharts!


Sent from my iPhone using Michigan Sportsman mobile app


----------



## QDMAMAN




----------



## RMH

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10155861035479067


----------



## Aaronjeep2

RMH said:


> __ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10155861035479067


Wtf is all I have to say


----------



## Liver and Onions

That's one of those things that you have to see to believe.

L & O


----------



## Rainman68

Was that Matt Patricia? He obviously isn't coaching a football team right now.


----------



## Aaronjeep2

Liver and Onions said:


> That's one of those things that you have to see to believe.
> 
> L & O


I still don't believe it. So that's how fecal matter gets on walls I've had my fair share of nasty bowl movements but that's just crazy. It shot out of the water rainbowed and came back down.


----------



## Rowdy Bandit

RMH said:


>


You can pee without pooping? Huh.

Must be in good shape for an old schartt.



RMH said:


> I wonder if jasburrito the OP was deported??


NO UH UH. No way.

Even if an illegal, US CBP and US Marshals wouldn't touch him. Everybody loves burritos, and the OP 'has burritos'.


-----------
In any case, isn't this thread title a bit redundant? Isn't 'shart' a conjunction of 'farted-schitted-shorts' anyway? Dear Lord, wtf were people doing while in grammer school English class. Teacher should have demanded you write a better theme.


----------



## RMH




----------



## U of M Fan




----------



## RMH

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=557656261338197


----------



## Rowdy Bandit

Three log log-jam this morning.

Still flushing.

Times like this wish I was born into a 'poop knife' family, or had one of them new-fangled commodes with the streamlined fluid dynamics engineered passages designed for semi-fluid systems.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ea/fd/1a/eafd1a5c680cad8f9a1e1aa7fdf831aa.jpg​


----------



## RMH




----------



## bheary

Bump.....here's to the adventures of Gun Season 2018! Shoot Straight and carry TP

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


----------



## RMH

bheary said:


> Bump.....here's to the adventures of Gun Season 2018! Shoot Straight and *carry TP*
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


Tip of the week if you forget TP.........




__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=507389913053191


----------



## Grandriverrat

RMH said:


> Tip of the week if you forget TP.........
> 
> 
> 
> 
> __ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=507389913053191


LMAO That is just so wrong in many ways!


----------



## junkman

Keep in mind that if you shart while hunting it is OK to continue to hunt.Or you can use it as a way to get out of work early.Keep some clean drawers out in the truck and head for the woods.


----------



## RMH

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=207616706816655


----------



## Whitetail_hunter




----------



## Groundsize

Has anyone actually made it through a hunt that had to shart really bad?

Two years ago during an evening hunt I was hunting some lease ground and all of a sudden I had to take a dump. A dump that felt painful to try and hold in. A half hour later I was shaking so badly trying to contain this special tird. I couldn’t do it. I rand down the ladder and over to the creek and dumped in the creek a fire tird. It was horrible. First time using leaves. None the less I saw nothing that evening.


----------



## SteelShot

Groundsize said:


> Has anyone actually made it through a hunt that had to shart really bad?
> 
> Two years ago during an evening hunt I was hunting some lease ground and all of a sudden I had to take a dump. A dump that felt painful to try and hold in. A half hour later I was shaking so badly trying to contain this special tird. I couldn’t do it. I rand down the ladder and over to the creek and dumped in the creek a fire tird. It was horrible. First time using leaves. None the less I saw nothing that evening.


Heck no, there’s no way I’d try to hold that in. Always carry tp, some days it’s as valuable as bullets in the woods. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Spartan88

Season is ten days old, there is someone out there that needs to confess their gastrointestinal transgressions...


----------



## Liver and Onions

Had 2 double bean burritos and beer the night before the bow opener around the campfire. Came in the next morning with clean underwear. Had 1/2 pot of coffee before heading out that morning to clean the chute.

L & O


----------



## Martin Looker

It was a near miss now I have to move that stand.


----------



## mrt6893




----------



## kkannonball

tightly packed snow balls are my favorite


----------



## Spartan88

kkannonball said:


> tightly packed snow balls are my favorite


Holy frozen $*** balls Batman!


----------



## Sasquatch Lives

Was scouting some secret remote natl forest land a couple weeks ago and was surprised to find a pair of old underwear that someone must have had to change because of a shart. They were very old and rotted and then I realized they were mine from about 8 years ago!


----------



## FREEPOP

Sasquatch Lives said:


> Was scouting some secret remote natl forest land a couple weeks ago and was surprised to find a pair of old underwear that someone must have had to change because of a shart. They were very old and rotted and then I realized they were mine from about 8 years ago!


Reminds me of the time we were on a mushroom hunting trip one spring. 
The prior winter we had indulged a bit too much in various type of alcohol. The next day I had an emergency while out running the beagles and I sacrificed my underwear. So that spring we were mushroom hunting and the Secretary of war discovered a pair of underwear so I confessed and had a good laugh. Her and my mom were less than amused.


----------



## jiggin is livin

While tracking a deer the other day we ran across someones "pile" from last year. A couple jersey gloves on a branch and what looked to be the remnants of paper towel.

While getting ready to head out that evening we were getting ready at the truck when my cousin said "I am gonna try some schitt" while I was leaning in the cab grabbing stuff. I didn't think much of it and kept about my business. Once I rounded the back of my truck I didn't see him and when I said his name and looked up, BOOM bare ass spraying leaves 20 yds away. After my initial reaction and choice words (we aren't nice to each other lol) he was laughing so hard he almost fell back in it. He was begging me to stop bitching so he could finish. 

What he actually said, later clarified to me, was "I am gonna try TO schitt". My bad on mishearing that one. My wife loved the fact that my hearing cost me a scaring memory.


----------



## M.Schmitz87

I got serious into trail running last year and my “**** in the woods count” went from “maybe a handful of times” to “more than any human being should”. 

Reading this again, using the word “handful” was unfortunate. Haha...


----------



## PerchOnly

My best story is while in downtown Toronto, after eating a questionable meal I realized I had to go, NOW! My family and I were out walking and I didn't have a clue where to go. Positive that I wasn't going to make it, I found a McDonalds. Whew. Except the bathroom was on the second floor. I had to look like an idiot walking up the stairs, grabbing my arse on the way up. Somehow make it to the stall, things get a little ugly and then I realize.. no paper! R U kidding me? My underpants were sacrificed for the greater good.


----------



## RMH




----------



## ibthetrout

Nice! I love the yearly revival of the shart thread!


----------



## 6Speed

Sasquatch Lives said:


> Was scouting some secret remote natl forest land a couple weeks ago and was surprised to find a pair of old underwear that someone must have had to change because of a shart. They were very old and rotted and then I realized they were mine from about 8 years ago!


That's funny...


----------



## sureshot006

RMH said:


>


Had a strange boss once... (or twice). Well one of them, when he didnt particularly love the food, would say "well, least it'll make a turd"


----------



## Get'nLucky

I am another victim of laughing so hard at this my wife wanted to know what I am doing!


----------



## sureshot006




----------



## RMH

.









Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Michigan Sportsman mobile app


----------



## RMH

Bear poops on hunter's head.......




__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1458803967548064


----------



## wannabapro

Worse than a seagull.


----------



## stickman1978

Opening day Eve coming up. Time to roll some burritos.


----------



## carpetbagger

Chili and beer! Best shart ever.


----------



## Northern Michigan Hunter

This thread has been going for just about 5 years now. LOL


----------



## Spartan88

Northern Michigan Hunter said:


> This thread has been going for just about 5 years now


Sharts happen every day, if we can save one victim its worth it.


----------



## JimP




----------



## LushLife

i had an employee named schart 

no sh*t

poor girl


----------



## 6Speed

LushLife said:


> i had an employee named schart
> 
> no sh*t
> 
> poor girl


We'd have nicknamed her Stinky...


----------



## Anita Dwink

Never fails on the long am hike to the stand that the twinge hits. On a mushroom hunt this spring with my buddy and his young sons I stopped . Pointed to a spot and said " if you can read sign you'd know that somebody took a dump here 3 years ago "
They asked me how I could tell . I said personal experience.


----------



## jiggin is livin

My cousin/hunting/fishing buddy has to go almost every time we get ready to go out. It never fails. 

He had stomach issues and a surgery years ago and ever since when it hits he has to go NOW. There are usually some funny stories when we meet back at the truck about how he found the perfect tree, got up in his climber and then had to scramble back down to avoid a mess. :lol::lol:

He doesn't think it is as funny as I do.


----------



## jiggin is livin

I got kicked out of my own shanty a couple years ago. I said, "Wtf, it is cold out there! You can't hold it?" 

He looked me dead in the eye and said, "You can sit right f'n there, I don't care, but this is happening now! I don't have a choice!!" 

I stood outside almost pissing myself laughing when a walleye almost stole his rod mid-crisis.


----------



## ArrowFlinger

Gamekeeper said:


> I doubt this shart will ever be ....equalled?
> At least I hope not.
> I had a PET scan at UCLA Thursday.
> I was warned the radioactive imaging liquid could make me "loose".
> 
> I ate fresh Mexican from a food truck Thursday pm.
> Had avocado toast, and a western egg wrap with 3X coffee for breakfast Friday.
> 
> I was quick stepping through the airport, and I felt rumble guts.
> 
> I tried a one cheek sneak while waiting for my check in time, and Dear God...Clean up on aisle 5.
> I hit the rest room and cleaned up, but I had no shorts in my carryon.
> Now I am traveling with skid marks.
> 
> It gets worse.
> 
> I set off the radiation detector at security.
> 
> I got the full TSA security treatment.
> 
> Thankfully, I could show them my letter from the hospital.
> 
> So, I literally had a documented "radioactive shart"!


To let you know how powerful those sensors are.
My dad had a nuclear stress test.
The next day he went to Windsor.
The Border Patrol asked him if he had any recent medical procedures.
The sensors could detected it in his bloodstream though the car..... Crazy


----------



## M.Schmitz87

Season is 6 days old already! It’s been quiet in here.


----------



## jiggin is livin

I have had good luck thus far. My cousin has too, but I have faith that his screwed up stomach will provide comic relief again this year, as it does every year.


----------



## Spartan88

It was touch and go for a while on my first sit last Saturday. It coulda been ugly but I endeavored to persevere...


----------



## BulldogOutlander

I used to be a trash man before i started working where i am now. I was on a route with my good buddy from high school, and all of a sudden he pulled off into a random sub-division that was out in the sticks, threw the truck is park, and ran very awkwardly into the woods. I figured he had to take a leak, until he came walking back from over a small hill, smile on his face, and missing a sock (it was summer). I started laughing as he approached the truck saying "that was a close one. had to leave a sock behind.. thank god it didn't have holes"


----------



## QDMAMAN

@brushbuster care to add to the thread?


----------



## jiggin is livin

Spartan88 said:


> It was touch and go for a while on my first sit last Saturday. It coulda been ugly but I endeavored to persevere...


"Touch and go" 

Your undies look like a bingo dobber got loose!?


----------



## Spartan88

jiggin is livin said:


> "Touch and go"
> 
> Your undies look like a bingo dobber got loose!?


Not quite, it could have gone that direction though.


----------



## bowhunter426

QDMAMAN said:


> @brushbuster care to add to the thread?


What happens on the mountain should probably stay on the mountain, unless it is at your expense. In that case share away


----------



## Sasquatch Lives

I have about an hour and a half drive to my up north public land spot. I leave the house before light with a big mug of coffee and if I drive fast with no stops, nature calls right when I am pulling into one of my normal spots. Precision. If I have to stop for gas or a detour or something I am in trouble.


----------



## brushbuster

QDMAMAN said:


> @brushbuster care to add to the thread?


No


----------



## brushbuster

Speaking of sharting in pants, mountain sickness is one thing, voluntarily doing it for colonoscopy prep is another. Both miserable though.


----------



## BulldogOutlander

Sasquatch Lives said:


> I have about an hour and a half drive to my up north public land spot. I leave the house before light with a big mug of coffee and if I drive fast with no stops, nature calls right when I am pulling into one of my normal spots. Precision. If I have to stop for gas or a detour or something I am in trouble.


now that's living on the edge


----------



## QDMAMAN

brushbuster said:


> No



Your secret's safe with me!


----------



## brushbuster

QDMAMAN said:


> Your secret's safe with me!


Thanks buddy.


----------



## BulldogOutlander

going through reading this thread has me about in tears.. some great stories in here for sure!


----------



## TK81

ArrowFlinger said:


> To let you know how powerful those sensors are.
> My dad had a nuclear stress test.
> The next day he went to Windsor.
> The Border Patrol asked him if he had any recent medical procedures.
> The sensors could detected it in his bloodstream though the car..... Crazy


Coming back through the Sault about 15 years ago, I set them off as well. Made me go inside and sit by a geiger counter until they established that I was the source and that my level was medical. My nuclear scan had been performed like 3 weeks prior.


----------



## brushbuster

Let's talk sky dumps for a minute. Until you've clung to a rock cliff with a steep grade below ya you sky dumpers are amateures.


----------



## 6Speed

brushbuster said:


> Let's talk sky dumps for a minute. Until you've clung to a rock cliff with a steep grade below ya you sky dumpers are amateures.


Well....thanks a lot, now I have to reply to this. 

You're flying in the back of a chopper at 0 dark thirty and the thunder rolls. You're 40 minutes out from the LZ and they're not gonna stop at a rest area...who you gonna call? Ghost Busters? That's when you find out who your buddies are. It's the two guys holding your arms while the pilot pulls a hover for a minute as you hang your ass off the side and go! 

Saw a guy take a dump out of the back of a 2.5 truck going down the Autobahn one time, same plan, two buddies holding on. A BMW was illegally cuting in and out of the convoy and comrad had to use his wipers...good times.

Tree stands are nothing!


----------



## Spartan88

No sky dumps or autobahn offerings, just a wobbly squat on a muskrat hut out duck hunting. My dog looked at me like I finally lost my mind...


----------



## brushbuster

6Speed said:


> Well....thanks a lot, now I have to reply to this.
> 
> You're flying in the back of a chopper at 0 dark thirty and the thunder rolls. You're 40 minutes out from the LZ and they're not gonna stop at a rest area...who you gonna call? Ghost Busters? That's when you find out who your buddies are. It's the two guys holding your arms while the pilot pulls a hover for a minute as you hang your ass off the side and go!
> 
> Saw a guy take a dump out of the back of a 2.5 truck going down the Autobahn one time, same plan, two buddies holding on. A BMW was illegally cuting in and out of the convoy and comrad had to use his wipers...good times.
> 
> Tree stands are nothing!


Gotta love your airborne brothers.


----------



## 6Speed

brushbuster said:


> Gotta love your airborne brothers.


Thanks...Long time ago...just how it was! 

They should issue depends to soldiers but now I hear they've even eliminated PT for punishment because the mellinialls get their feelings hurt over a hundred pushups...

Crazy times.


----------



## trucker3573

Who revived this ’y thread ? . I personally haven’t done that since I was 45 years old. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## sureshot006

brushbuster said:


> Let's talk sky dumps for a minute. Until you've clung to a rock cliff with a steep grade below ya you sky dumpers are amateures.


Been there. Just make sure the tree is anchored firmly. Hug it like its the last time you'll see it, squat down and letterrip.


----------



## Spartan88

I'm glad people cant fly...


----------



## trucker3573

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Scadsobees

Guys, I just wanted to tell you about an awesome guilt free snack to take with for passing time on a long boring sit in the treestand...
https://www.amazon.com/Sugar-Gummy-Bears-Albanese-Confectionery/dp/B00CMS97YS/ref=sr_1_6

It won't be long, and it sure won't be boring.

Seriously, the comments are about as good as one of these threads.


----------



## TrailMarker

I remember one time (late morning) in muzzleloader season I got down from the tree in a hurry, not even trying to be quiet, I barely made it! Sitting there, over a log, I took my time and thought to myself, well, you can't hunt here now, you just $**** 10 yards from your treestand. After making the decision of where I would hunt next, I got all my gear back on, put my ML strap up over my shoulder, took about 2 steps and this fairly nice buck jumps up about 50 yards away and runs directly away from me. By the time I figured out what was going on and had my ML on him, he was about 80 yards away and still running directly away from me. I could see his decent horns in the scope, so I pull the trigger and try to give him the ass-to-mouth treatment with the ML. Boom! and he stops and just stands there, which made me think I hit him, then he turns around and looks at me. We stared at each other for what was probably just a few seconds, and he trotted away.


----------



## trucker3573

Scadsobees said:


> Guys, I just wanted to tell you about an awesome guilt free snack to take with for passing time on a long boring sit in the treestand...
> https://www.amazon.com/Sugar-Gummy-Bears-Albanese-Confectionery/dp/B00CMS97YS/ref=sr_1_6
> 
> It won't be long, and it sure won't be boring.
> 
> Seriously, the comments are about as good as one of these threads.


This is no place for any level of seriousness 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Spartan88

TrailMarker said:


> I remember one time (late morning) in muzzleloader season I got down from the tree in a hurry, not even trying to be quiet, I barely made it! Sitting there, over a log, I took my time and thought to myself, well, you can't hunt here now, you just $**** 10 yards from your treestand. After making the decision of where I would hunt next, I got all my gear back on, put my ML strap up over my shoulder, took about 2 steps and this fairly nice buck jumps up about 50 yards away and runs directly away from me. By the time I figured out what was going on and had my ML on him, he was about 80 yards away and still running directly away from me. I could see his decent horns in the scope, so I pull the trigger and try to give him the ass-to-mouth treatment with the ML. Boom! and he stops and just stands there, which made me think I hit him, then he turns around and looks at me. We stared at each other for what was probably just a few seconds, and he trotted away.


Poor deer probably needed counseling...


----------



## Martin Looker

We used the sears catalog when I was a kid. Not the best but it worked.


----------



## stickman1978




----------



## Liver and Onions

For the lady hunters so they do not need to get out of the elevated coop or tree. Another option is the pee buddy.





__





Robot or human?






www.walmart.com





L & O


----------



## BulldogOutlander

stickman1978 said:


> View attachment 865539


almost looks like the saddle some people use while bow hunting


----------



## WillHunt4Food

BulldogOutlander said:


> almost looks like the saddle some people use while bow hunting


My buddy had to do an ESD this year from his saddle… shot a buck an hour later!


----------



## Swampbuckster

WillHunt4Food said:


> My buddy had to do an ESD this year from his saddle… shot a buck an hour later!


I’ve done it off of a climber! Shot a deer 30 minutes later! Maybe we are onto something….


----------



## BulldogOutlander

i've peed off a tree stand before, but i've only shot does while elevated... maybe i need drop a duecer instead lol


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## rh2000

With all of these opening eve "Fish Fry's" I'm reading about there should be a few new entries in this thread.


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## rz6x59

This thread continues to entertain. I hope orange army is prepared on Tuesday with extra socks, gloves, hats and maybe a roll of TP in the backpack.


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## bheary

I took a huge gamble and ate some wings and drank some Latte's. Going to get up early enough to have some black rifle to clean me out. 

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## bheary

Screw corn or beets. I'm using this to draw them in









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## stickman1978

bheary said:


> Screw corn or beets. I'm using this to draw them in
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk


Need better aim.


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## BulldogOutlander

or more fiber.. looks a little on the "looser" side


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## bowhunter426

Check out this new product. It's even reusable


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